My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize