Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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