Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
