Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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