Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
