My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
