So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
