You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
