google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
