Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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