Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
