I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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