I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
