1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
