that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
