Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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