i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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