he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
