someone owes me an orgasm
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
