I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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