Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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