if i can run in heels then i can drive
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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