His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
