you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
