we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
