dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
