i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
