And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize