Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
