You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dignity is for republicans.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
