Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize