You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
