I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
