i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
