If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
