The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
