I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize