stop calling my apartment porn island.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize