Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
