i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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