yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
