i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think my fart just growled at me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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