then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
