You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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