I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
