Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
