i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
