Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
