You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
