I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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