Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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