I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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