He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
