it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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