so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
