I just pynch a tree in the face
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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