he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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