would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
