i wish there were pregnant emoticons
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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