someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize