Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
