I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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