Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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