There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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