This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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