Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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