So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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