babies were throwing up all over the place
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Randomize
