If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
