Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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