Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
