I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
love makes seman taste better
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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