I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
