I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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