Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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