We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
