I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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