Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize