i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
