You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
