he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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