no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
