I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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