I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
this will be a night to untag.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
