Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
