Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just found puke in my bra..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
