I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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