RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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