Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Sober January is a disaster.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have aggressive nipples.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
