I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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