I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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