just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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